Podcast #11 Communication Is Not About You

Conversations are about listening to what the other person needs from us. 

It's so difficult to take ourselves out of it. Humans are selfish, let's face it. And after listening to this episode, we want you to start thinking about conversations with other people in a different kind of way.

Kenia’s disruption in life came when she decided to leave her corporate career and create her own business doing what she loves, and working with people SHE enjoys. Her passion is about building relationships with her clients and getting to know then in a personal way. That involves being vulnerable, actually listening to what they tell her, so she can truly help them.

Kenia is an adjunct professor and teaches all things communication, public speaking, interpersonal communication, workplace communication, internship class, and Intro to com. She loves the interaction with students and teaching is one of her first passions.

She is also teamed up with Kim Branson of Mastermind Production as the Director of Communication and his partner in the business as well as owns her own business Wordcrumbs. Wordcrumbs is a communications consulting agency where she assists professionals and leaders, or those aspiring to be leaders on how to better communicate. 

We all need to be more authentic, vulnerable, and transparent.

In the times that we are in, if we all were just a little more of these, we might not be in the place we are. And doing this can be hard, but it starts with looking in the mirror and starting with you. It starts with communication, and communication is vulnerability.

                                                5 Rapid Fire Questions for Kenya

1. What is your mantra? - Nothing is impossible, because if you believe it, it will happen. The second one is less is more.
2. What three words would you use to describe yourself or your brand? - Authentic, relatable, and fun!
3. What is your least favorite mode of communication? - It’s a combination of phone calls, and emails. 
4. What outfit makes you feel like a badass? - I have a jacket that is all sparkles! It’s crazy, but I put this jacket on, and nobody can tell me nothin’. There are some articles of clothing that make you feel on top of the world, and that jacket is one of them.
5. What are your brand colors and why did you choose those? - My designer chose them. I just said I wanted colors that felt “good”. Anyone who knows me knows I like black. I will sometimes pair it with a bright color,  but black is gonna be part of Kenia. I didn’t want to choose the colors because I would have chosen darker colors, and certain colors evoke certain feelings and emotions. So they came up with a teal, white and gray. It felt happy, and it just made me feel good.

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• Episode #10: What Does Authenticity Have to do With Marketing?

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*Note- The Brand Disruptors Podcast is produced for the ear and made to be heard not read. We strongly encourage you to listen to the audio which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers and may contain errors. Please check the corresponding audio before quoting it in print.

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the brand disrupters podcast. I'm your host, Neil Lamott. And today I have with me Kenya Thompson. How are you today? Kenya? I'm good. How are you doing? I am doing so well, so glad that you came. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. So what I typically do is go through like a couple of like a five round questions around of questions so people can get to know you. And so we're going to start with, what is your mantra? What is my mantra? So I have two, I have two. The first one is nothing is impossible because if you believe it, it will happen. And the second one is less, is more. I totally agree.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Less is always more, although sometimes, but we'll go into my favorite favorite wardrobe and that's going to negate that, but we'll, we'll talk about that later. All right. So then what three words would you say describes you or your brand? Okay, so I think I am a brand. So three words that describe me would be authentic, relatable and fun or funny. I think I'm funny, but not everybody thinks I'm funny, but you know, whatever, I'll take it, you know, I haven't been around you enough to say whether you're funny, but you can. You're fun, so, okay. That's good. I'll take that. Yeah. What is your least favorite mode of communication? So it's a combination of phone calls, which is weird and emails. I'd prefer to see the person, you know, phone calls. I would rather not have a phone call. I'd rather jump on zoom or FaceTime or be in person.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
And then emails, I read into emails, way too deep. I put a tone to every voice that every so it's just not the best for me. Emails are my favorite either. I feel like if it goes beyond two paragraphs, it needs to be an attachment. Yeah. I agree. I get these long emails and this is like giving a text that has more than four lines. Yeah, I agree. All right. All right. So what often makes you feel like it's helpful? So I have this jacket that is all sparkles. It's like Michael Jackson on crack. It is, I should've had it with me because it's, it's crazy. It's like a disco ball, but I put this jacket on and nobody can tell me nothing really. And it is not less is more, it does not fall under that. It is all the things, but it just, there's something about articles of clothing that you wear that just make you feel on top of the world.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
And that's that jacket is one of them. So, absolutely. I don't think that people recognize that enough for themselves and probably don't get dressed in those things as often. Do you wear your bad ass jacket? CNS? The thing I should wear it more often, but I, part of me is a bit self conscious. Like somebody going, well, what you mean? She thinks she is walking around in a Sparky jacket like that. But I mean, I probably, and it does keep me hot. So right now, clearly I'm not going to wear it, but let fall start getting, you know, bringing some cooler weather. I'll probably wear a little more often. Well, if we're both at that same conference in November, I'm going to be looking forward to seeing what is an article of clothing. That's just not you. Like, what would you never wear? Oh, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
What would I never wear? So I'm love rompers on other people, but I look pregnant in a romper. I can not carry the romper. Look off with a belt. I've never tried it with a belt. I don't know. It depends. Maybe if it's a highway belt. I don't know if that'll work. That's still like I'm pregnant. I don't know. I don't know. I love rompers though. I think they look comfortable. I'll wear them at home, but to go out, like I see people dress them up and, you know, look real snazzy in them. It's just not me. Alright. Well, I love the fact that you wear it at home. Yeah. Rock was just like video. I love it. Oh no. I just up at home. Okay, girl. All right. So now what are your brand colors and how did you choose them? So my designer chose him.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
I just said I wanted colors. That felt good. And I, anyone who knows me knows I love black. I wear black almost every single day. I will sometimes pair black with a bright color, but black is going to be part of Kenya. So I didn't want to choose the colors because I would gravitate towards darker colors and, you know, in marketing and design, you know, that colors evoke certain feelings and emotions. So they came up with kind of, I happened to have this year, it's a case it's kind of like a teal color. And it felt good when I saw it. So it's teal white and like a gray. Okay. Yeah. And it just, it felt happy and that it just made me feel good every time I see it. It makes me feel good. So, well, I think that's exactly what it's supposed to do, right?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I agree. So I want to hear about a time that you had some major disruption, whether it was, you know, plan unplanned and like, what did you do to kind of like, how did, how did you manage yourself during this disruption or a way that you disrupted your industry? All right. So before going into entrepreneurship, I worked in nonprofit and corporate and my most recent job was at IBM. And I was happy there. I got to work from home. I was very happy. But I was very complacent and you know, I, my kids were growing up, so my kids are 10 and seven now, but you know how well most moms know how it is when you first have kids. It's good to have a steady job, but you don't have to worry about you. Don't have to think about, you can still be a mom still make money and still kind of climb that corporate ladder a little bit.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
And so give them to IBM was like a heaven, Zen and I was good, but then the kids aren't going to school. And I was like, okay. So what I do now, and I started dabbling into, so my first career was news production, TB. I wanted to be a reporter, went through all the ropes, never became a reporter. So then transitioned into marketing. And so during, over the years, I would always dabble back to production, to video and being at IBM and working from home, I was able to kind of do that more. And I survives three or four layoffs at IBM and my whole team gone. I was the only one left. I was like, all right, we'll just keep pushing. But there were like inklings of, should you still be here? Should you still be here? And I always, you know, wanted to leave, but I never had the courage to go out on my own.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
And I, one day my boss, who's now one of turn friend, my best friend she called. And she said, you didn't make it this time. So I wa I got lumped into a layoff. I got transitioned into a role cause they wanted to keep me, but it was a business analyst role. Anyone that knows me knows I'm not a business analyst. That was that it was horrendous for me. And so I was faced with the decision of, am I going to spend time looking for another job to serve someone else's agenda? Or am I going to finally invest in myself and go out on this leap of faith and just do something for me? So last April was when I officially decided that I would no longer work for anyone else, but myself and I've been in, I haven't ever since life was, you know, now that doesn't mean it's been easy.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
Doesn't mean it's been easy, especially with COVID and everything that's going on right now, but it's been the most freeing decision that I've made and it disrupted my life for sure. But in a very forward moving, you know, motion. So I'm, I'm, I'm happy. I'm finally happy in a space that is really uncertain, but I'm happy where I am. Yeah. So what you, what do you think you learned about yourself during this, during that period? And like, it still feels like it's new to you. What did you learn about yourself in the rest of the world? I'm really going back to that first question of what's the mindset. The mantra is that nothing is impossible. It it's really about how much effort you put into it and how badly you want it. You know, people will tell you no people won't like you, but there's someone that will tell you, yes, man or someone that will love you.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
And you know, it's about the community that you build. And if you show or exude what you want to receive, then it's bound to happen. Absolutely. So you know, nothing is easy and you don't, you don't appreciate things that come to you easily, either. So in, in, in order to really appreciate the business where I am, where I'm going, I do have to go through a lot of trials and tribulations and difficulties and those nos in order to really appreciate whatever's down the road, you have to appreciate the yeses. So yeah. We want to work with you and who are ideal for you. Cause that's the other thing about being in business for yourself, right? Yes. Yes. That, that, that is such a good point because we think that we have to take every job and that like the first six months I was like, no, we need to take this. We need to take this. I need to take this. No, I know if this doesn't feel good because I was taking jobs at work that didn't feel good. So why am I going to still take jobs for myself? That don't feel good?

Speaker 1 (10:17):
You know, if it doesn't feel good, it doesn't align with my passion and what I'm in business for. Then I'm not the right vendor or supplier or contractor for you. And that's okay. That's okay. I'm glad you brought that up. So what do you do? What do I do? I do a little bit of everything. So I still do work for the man. Technically I'm an adjunct professor, which I love. So I choose not to be a full time professor because I don't want to hate teaching. So I teach at three different colleges and universities in the area. I teach all things, com ing, interpersonal communication, workplace, communication, internship, class, intro to com what else? Oh, and Immedion society class, which I just added that I'm enjoying that a lot. So I love the interaction with students. So that's probably one of my first passions is teaching. And then I, I kind of did cheat a little bit with my entrep reneurial journey because I teamed up with someone who already had a business.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
You still have skin in the game a little bit. Yeah. I still have skin in the game. So I teamed up with Kim Branson of mastermind productions as the director of communication and his partner in the business. He had been in business for, I think right around 10, 11 years when I came on board last year and you just kind of want to take it to another level. And so it was just him always doing everything. And because of my news background, I know how to work a camera. I know about lighting. I know about interviewing. I know about the production piece. I know how to edit and then I know marketing. So that was kind of the benefit of joining his team or, or him is to be able to help him do what he already does and then add onto what he does.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
And then I created word crumbs back in 2005. It's been so long and I hadn't really done much with it. And, but this past year is it's been a focus and word crimes is a, still trying to flesh out exactly how to even communicate, you know, like your pitch, right. But it's a communication consultancy where I assist professionals. Leaders are those who are aspiring to be leaders on how to just better communicate and be effective communicators. Right now I'm focusing on critical conversations because, you know, unfortunately yeah, they need to be had even before all of this, right. This why we're here. Yeah. Cause we didn't know, have conversations to flesh out our differences. And so now it's this tension, it's this fighting and killing. It's literally killing us. And so those are the things that I want to kind of help others with understanding how do we communicate effectively within our circles with ourselves.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Sometimes we don't even talk to ourselves the right way. And so that's what we're crumbs is about. I also want to start doing facilitation leadership retreats. Once we get back to normal for corporate organizations and a one on one coaching for executives. Yeah. And they're going to need it. I mean that, they're probably reaching out to people right now. So I hope you, I hope you're definitely putting that word, Crum stuff out. Those of you who are interested in having her to help you with communications especially around difficult conversations and what did we call this? The George Floyd era? I don't know. Yeah. I really believe that that's, you know, where we are right now. And I think that what you're bringing to the table and what you're presencing for a lot of people will help them to be able to understand others.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Cause we all have our, our sides that we want to make sure we're right about. Or, you know, we want to look good. And when you, when you really just break it down, a simple communication, you know, we do get to, to have we're actually striving for right now. One thing that you mentioned that was key is understanding others. We think that when we have conversations, it's about us, right? Because we're talking, but so we both, now we're both in a conversation thinking that it's about ourselves. When if we could just stop for a second and listen, we can understand what the other person needs from us. And that's the most important thing in a conversation. It's not about me, the person who's talking, but it's about the person who I'm having the conversation with. So it's, it's not about us. It's not about our needs in that moment.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
And that's where difficult conversations go wrong will go left because you don't know, we don't know how to listen. That is a huge nugget that she just dropped for. You guys. Like we get to learn how to listen because listening is part of communication too. Right? Can you, Oh yeah. It's probably more like 80% of communication. Right? there's the Moravian wheel that tells us how our language, our body language, our conversations and what we say, how that makes up co conversations and communication. And most of what is translated is by non-verbals right. I can't remember the breakdown in the percentage. My students would kill me, but it's by nonverbals non-verbals body language. And then I think it's 86 something I don't want to misquote myself. It was wrong.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
It's not saying that she knows the number of people. Right. But it's body language. I mean it's yeah. Non-Verbals which is body language. How we say things, our tone and then what we are actually saying. Right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I, you know, I tell this to my students all the time, like look at people's feet. When you look at their feet, you'll be able to tell if they want to, if they're engaged in talking to you, your feet are pointed toward the door. They're trying to get away from you. I was like, so if your boss is chastising you, you might not want to do all those feeds. Most people don't know that though. Yeah. Yeah. Joe Navarro he's one of my favorite authors on body language, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure you teach your students all that too. Oh yes. Yeah. Let's see how much they retain when they get into the workforce.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
What would you want the audience to know about how you work differently? Like how are you different from other communication consultants? Yeah. I really take time to get to know the person for me, relationship building is most important. I don't think, and this was even at IBM for me that I could have an effective business or role without building relationships. I don't know what you need if I don't know you. Right. That's so good. You can tell me, these are my flaws. This is what I need work on. But if I get to know you, I can find that whether that's true or not, and as the expert can really give you insight onto, okay, what you said does hold merit. But these are the things that I see and building the relationship allows a sense of vulnerability, which allows trust, right?

Speaker 1 (17:44):
We're both having to be vulnerable and that means I trust you and you trust me just as much. And that way we can move forward in a successful business relationship. Most of my business relationships have turned into friendships. Yeah. Because that's how much I bought. Yeah. And I can see that about you. Right? When, when people get into business relationships, they think they need to keep it strictly business so they don't get vulnerable and they don't share themselves. And so I can see why you would have to, you know, kind of educate them for you before you even start working with them. Right. And that may work in other business types. Right. I don't, I don't know though. I can't even think of a business or a role that it would work less effectively, but in what I do, communication is vulnerability. I don't know how else to say it.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
If I'm authentically having a conversation with you, I'm going to share pieces of myself with you. Right. and if I'm, if I'm a manager or a director at a company and I lead a team, that team does not want me to lead them or will not want me to be their leader. If I'm not taking time to share pieces of myself with them. Now that doesn't mean I gotta tell you my whole life story and you gotta know all of my dirty secrets, but I have to see some sort of genuine approach to our connection for me to want to have you lead me. Right. That's huge. I think that a lot of people think that the oversharing is being vulnerable and that's how you get people to, to get to know you when it's really not that. Wow. Right.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
No, I think it's been like on social media, sometimes people will overshare. Right. And in the face of, Oh, I'm being vulnerable. No, the oversharing is almost like an attention seeking kind of thing. Right? Yeah. I love the fact that you said that we get to get to really share ourselves authentically. And there's like, I'm sharing a piece of me, but it's not my dark and dirty secrets. It's more like, Oh, I get nervous too. When I get on camera. Yeah. You know, it's funny. So you bring up the social media piece, I'm on social media and most people are like, can you use, should be a lot more active on social media for what you do? And I feel bad. I should be, but I'm not an overshare. And I don't feel like if I shared everything on social media and then I meet you and share those same things, how authentic is that?

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Right. So it's hard for me to share everything with everyone. So if I find myself in a space where I am sharing with you, you know, I care. Right. And so I have to find the balance of how do I, myself, out there as an entrepreneur and promote my business and still be authentic and not overshare and just, you know, try to clamor for people's love and attention. And it's hard. It's a hard balance to have. But you know, it it's necessary though in, in genuine connections and business. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that, you know, you do that in person too. I mean, you know, right now we're kind of limited, but the reason why I even asked you on the podcast was, you know, we got to spend some time together. What was last week. Yeah. And I was like, Oh my God, I want to get to know her more.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I want to hear her story. I want to know more about her. And it was just because we were able to, to get to be in a place where we were both sharing ourselves. And I think that people underestimate, underestimate what that's like. Yeah. Yeah. I think they do. I think a lot of people underestimate what that's like. It can be very difficult to especially as women, I think, because there's this unspoken judgment and I'm just going to say it, there's just unspoken judgment that happens in a circle of women. And a lot of times we are afraid to be vulnerable and honest about what we're feeling or what we do or what kind of mom we are, because we don't know how other people are going to take us and receive us. So, but in that space with you, it felt authentic enough for me to be able to just be vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
I think I almost cried that day because I was experiencing a lot of things, you know, anyway. Yeah. No, and I think it's good. I think that for this society, like we've been taught that it's not okay to be vulnerable. We've been taught that it's not okay to, to cry into a moat. And as women we've actually cut ourselves off, we cut off a part of ourselves. So we can be more like men. Yeah. I know. And like, we have so much repair to do for us. Listen, I'm, I'm 37. And I am just figuring out who Kenya is. I my family's from Haiti, both my parents are from Haiti and I grew up in that very strict household. My dad wouldn't let me cry. He wouldn't let me get up and explore anything. He wouldn't let me date. Like there are all these things that I couldn't do.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
And you know, I went to college, I did all that, what I was supposed to do. And you know, I had two kids got married and then I'm like, who are you? What do you like? What do you want to do? And it's, it's so emotional. It's so emotional. But just like I was saying earlier, every part of our journey is for something, because I kind of fell into communication as a result of going through six majors and not liking any of them. And I'm here though. Right? That's right. But the stories I get to share with my students of my journey of the things that I couldn't do that I'm figuring out now it, all of that was not even for me, it was for them. Absolutely. Oh my God. I love that. They're 18. So I teach some early college kids. So they're 16, 17, some are 20 something.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
And they're just looking at me like, I don't know mrs. Thompson. I have no idea I'm going, gonna start crying now. I don't know why I'm here. And I've had kids, who've tried to commit suicide. I've had kids who, whose families abused them and abandoned them. But yet they're still in these college seats trying to figure it out. And you know, all I can give is my examples. And while they're not as traumatic, they come to me after class. And they're like, thank you. Because someone finally is listening and I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why anything but that, those reasons that I share my stories, that I give them an opportunity to be heard. That's, that's all that is. That's all that matters to me. That's all authenticity. That's the vulnerability. That's the transparency that's needed. Yeah. And I think that if we were all a little more transparent, right.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Vulnerable and authentic, we wouldn't be, you know, we wouldn't be in the place that we're in now. It's going to take a lot more people being authentic and vulnerable and not getting it right. And, and, and messing it up for us to move forward. For sure. Exactly. And that's hard though. And you know, sad to say, it's going to take a lot more pain before it happens before people realize how important it is for them to be that honest with themselves. Yeah. I'm, I'm part of an organization that I'm having them look at that, like, why haven't we addressed this before? Well, the thing is you have to hold a mirror up to yourself or, Oh yeah. I need to do that. I don't want to do that. Absolutely. I have to look at myself and why I had, you know, why I let that kind of stuff slide and why I didn't speak up and why I didn't do some things.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
And then I was like, okay, you know what? Now is the time you get to do it. And there it is. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, you know, we all, it all happens in time when it's supposed to happen. So we can't punish ourselves for how long it took or how many times we let things slide. We just have to be in the now and recognize, okay. I re I see it now. So what am I going to do moving forward? Yeah, definitely. You got to have the awareness. Yeah, for sure. Okay. So tell us how people can work with you. So if somebody wants to say Kenya, I need some communication. How, how do they do that? Yeah, so I offer a free 30 minute session that was usually turns into an hour. I can just always happens. But during this time, we kind of just talk about you, you know, who you are, what your goals are, where you are currently and where you'd like to be.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
And then how we position all of that around your communication, strengths and areas that you need to work on. From there, we'd set up a plan, whether it's a three month plan or a six month plan or a year to how we can set goals and accomplish them. And it looks different for everybody because we're all so unique. You know, it's hard to have a blanket or what does that look like? It just really depends. Yeah. So how do they get in touch with you? You said you were on social media, so where can they find? So am I only on Facebook? You have an Instagram, but it's Facebook word crumbs, w O R D C U R M B S or Kenya Thompson. You can find me, I think it's Kenya case Thompson, C a Z E and Kenya is K E N I a, not Y and then I am on Instagram as well.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
Word comes on Instagram. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. And she's also going to be in the freedom lounge membership site. She's going to be doing a course for us in there. And I want to say you're going to be teaching and maybe answering questions in October, but we'll see. Okay. All right. But I want to thank you so much for coming today. This has been quite the pleasure. And is there anything else that you want to say to the audience before we leave, just think before you speak, think, before you speak and think who you're speaking to love it. Is that your tagline? Is that my tagline? No, it's not, but maybe it should be. I know, right? Maybe it should that tagline. I like that. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you, Kenya. Thanks, bye.