Being a mother is amazing and beautiful, but, like everyone knows, life gets busy. Life gets hectic. And, if you don't take the time to remember who you are, you can very easily start to lose your identity and your passions.
My guest, Emilie Karun is mom to 4 kids, and a female empowerment and success coach. She's helping the modern mom have it all on her terms, guilt and apology free!
Emilie is sharing with us her story with us of how she, like so many women out there, went through the journey of feeling guilty about not being satisfied and fulfilled in motherhood. So many women feel like they shouldn’t want more, should be happy staying at home. She now empowers women to hear their own voice, show up as themselves, and not need anyone to tell them what to do.
Emilie has made a difference in so many women’s lives, making them realize that having this feeling doesn’t make you a monster, it doesn’t make you a horrible person. Emilie helps women learn how to let go of all the rules about what makes a good mother, what makes a good wife and she helps give themselves permission to do what they want on their terms and go for their best life, whatever that is.
Emilie's goal is to open up the core part of women she works with - who they truly are. Who they were as young children, but let the world get in and tell them to tone it down, and fit in. Life get’s busy, and it's so easy to first cut out the things that make you you. Things you enjoy doing, and then, life starts to feel robotic.
How can you change this? It all starts with building that relationship up with yourself. Start asking yourself, “What do you like? How do you feel? What do you need?” Treat yourself like any other relationship and make space for yourself.
She gives women the support, tools, strategies and the new ways of thinking and mindset shifts to help them really tap into their inner power.
5 Rapid Fire Questions for Emilie
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Emily. Welcome to today's episode of brand disruptors. How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hi, I'm great. How are you? I am
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Doing well doing well. Why don't you tell the audience a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yeah. My name is Emily. Karen. I am a female empowerment and success coach helping the modern mom. Have it all on her terms, guilt and apology free.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Oh, I love that. I love that. So what I typically do is go over like a couple of questions to help them to get to know you, and then we kind of dive into your story after that. Okay. Sounds good. All right. So what is one of your mantras?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
My, one of my mantras is woman first. Mom's second.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Okay. Love that. What three words would you use to describe yourself or your brand?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Bold, unapologetic and aspirational.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Okay. What is your least favorite mode of communication?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You know, this is a tough one because I love to communicate and I think it just depends on what the circumstances are, but if I had to choose one, I would probably say the telephone,
Speaker 1 (01:07):
The telephone. Okay. Tell me a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I love talking to people in person. That's my favorite. I also really love texting. I think it's a great way to just get in and get out quickly and not waste time. And I just really haven't been into the phone since I was probably in junior high. Right. So there's just so many better ways, I think these days. So it would probably be my least favorite.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Okay. And then what, what outfit makes you feel like a total badass?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
My favorite outfit ever is just a pair of perfectly fitting blue jeans and like a cute tank top. That's it? That's it. I I'm a busy mom and I think you can still look sexy and fierce, but it's also practical and you can dress it up. You can dress it down, you can wear flip flops. I always just feel like me when I'm rocking that. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah. So what would you not wear? Well, we would not get you in
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Anything that feels stuffy. That feels too forced to too overdone. I like sexy, but understated. I like casual, but again with that little bit of maybe unexpectedness, so anything that felt too put together too, matchy-matchy too predictable is not for me.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I see. I see. All right. And then what are the brand colors that you have for your business and why did you choose them?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So I use a lot of black and white with touches of like light pink and light blue. And really, it just, it represents who I am kind of classic bold, but also with a little bit of a lightness and a Berthy kind of airy feel to it. I love just like nature and the blues blues are just so calming to me, but Pink's got a little bit of a feminine flare. So those just really feel like who I am.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah. And I think a lot of people just kind of like pick colors because they think that they have to attract a certain person instead of just saying colors. I actually feel like that. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
All right. So let's talk about disruption, right. Did you decide to become a coach?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
It happened by accident. I was a stay-at-home mom for, at the time. It had been about 12 years and I left the corporate world to start my family and I thought motherhood alone would be enough. I thought I just wanted to be a mom and live happily ever after and turns out motherhood was nothing like I expected and I wanted more than motherhood. I want it to be more than a mom. And so I went on my own journey of guilt and what do I want and who am I, if this isn't enough, I have it all. And I want more. Is that okay? Am I a monster? And I wanted my own journey of this for quite a few years and found my way out the other side and decided that I really wanted to share what I learned with other women who are like me.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
And just so I thought I would just start a blog. That's where I started. It was going to be a hobby. It was going to be something I did in the pockets of my time, because then my kids were all still still had little kids home and didn't have a lot of time. And I started blogging, but quickly got really hungry for more, wanted to have more impact, wanted to have more connection and really wanted to work with women in a more direct way to help them let go of all the rules about who they think they should be and what makes a good woman and what makes a good wife and to help them give themselves permission to do what they want on their terms and go for their best life, whatever that is. And most women don't even know, especially moms. And so I just really wanted to help them go further, faster. And coaching just became an, the next step in that process too. I could really make a difference in women's lives.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
So are you being that person to this woman that you wish you had when struggles? Yeah, a little bit about that. Like when you're, when you're a mom or like when you have kids and, and you know, you have this beautiful life and then you wake up one day and you're like, wait a minute. This is not what I thought it was going to be. And I want more, like, how did you give yourself permission? Who, who, who gave you permission for yourself? Permission?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah. Well, I always said it took me. I took a long way, so you don't have to it took a lot of time, a lot of, cause it starts as a whisper. It starts as this as all things do, right? This is in this inside voice that was like, this isn't what I expected. This isn't enough. Something is missing. And for a long time I ignored it and just thought that that's things were hard because I wasn't doing it right. Or because I wasn't good enough or because something was wrong with me. And so I spent a lot of time trying to be better and be a better mom and do this and do that and work harder and give more and be more selfless and do all the things that we are told will make us happy because we're told, and we're taught that if we follow these rules and we, and we do the things we're supposed to do, we're going to get our happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
But what I wanted to know with what comes after the happily ever after I had it all, and yet I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't have that. And so what I began doing, what really helped me was I started picking up a called little bits of life rafts from other places that started giving me that crack of light. You don't need necessarily a big aha or a giant moment of realization. Sometimes we just need to crack for the light to get in. And I started seeing, I had a crack and the light came in through writers and bloggers and other women who were telling me that it was hard, not because I was doing it wrong, but because it was hard and that it was okay to not love all of it. And it was okay to want more. And I remember Elizabeth Gilbert said, and I just broke me to tears, but she said, I'm tired of being good.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Now I want to be free. And that resonated with me so much because I was just the good wife and the good woman and the good girl, my whole life and realize that it wasn't even motherhood, perhaps that had stolen my identity, but I possibly never knew who I really was and wanting the freedom to explore that and to figure that out. And so all of these people along the way that I kind of built my life raft to help me give myself that permission to really start that journey of self-discovery and self-awareness, and I wanted to pay that forward.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
How did your husband, like, how did he react to this whole transformation that you were about to embark on? Right. Give him that, that notion that you were dissatisfied and then like, what, what is he like? Where's he now with this?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah. So my husband's awesome. So that's been super helpful and really he always had from day one, I just want you to be happy. Right. And the arrangement that we had was that I would be the stay at home mom and do all the things, mom life, because that's what I wanted. And that was, but at any point when I kind of started, you know, I, I don't know this, or clearly I was crabby and storming around being a martyr mom and showing up as the worst of myself, ironically, when we think we're doing it all right. And perfect. We usually end up being anything, but the mom, we want to be because we're so not getting our own needs met. And he would say, well, do you want to go back to work? And I was like, no, I don't want to go back to her.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
And so he went and tried, but the hardest part was that I didn't know what I wanted. And so he couldn't support me until I was clear on that. And it really took me a long time to figure that out. And so he was very supportive, but also kind of like, you gotta tell me what you need, girl. And once I had that clarity, he was a thousand percent there. He's in it. So when I was like, I want to start a blog, he was right there helping me set it up and helping me learn web development skills and, you know supporting me and guiding me. And when it came time to invest in a really expensive coaching program for me to learn how to coach and get my business going, we talked about it. He was supportive when I traveled for that program.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And he had to step up and be mr. Mom in a way he never had, he did that. So he's been amazing. And you know, even now I kind of joke. I'm like, well, what, how are you going to feel if I start making more money than you? And if I go bigger than you and he's like, go, he was like, yes, please. So he's amazing. He's been amazing. But ultimately it was always up to me. And I think that's such a mistake. So many women make is, you know, not only asking permission, but also looking to the world to tell us who to be and what to do. And we are never going to get that outside of ourselves. So we've got to figure it out for ourselves.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yeah. But I imagine you've had clients whose husbands are like, what are you, what do you think you're doing? And no, I'm not going to support this because there's a level of control that they have to give up. Right? So we want them around that.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Well, that is very common. In fact, I wrote a blog post a few months ago called dear husbands. Cause I really wanted to be like, listen up, man. You need to hear that. Because most husbands, I find love their wives and they want to support their wives, but they think they have to support them by protecting them. They think they have to support them by showing, like keeping them from making a mistake from failing from heaven, forbid wasting money. And so, so many well-intended husbands really hold their wives back because they're, they think it's their job. And what I, my advice to husbands is it's not your job to keep her cage. Your job is to show her that she can fail a thousand times and you'll be there 1,001 to pick her back up. Then you believe in her when you let her chase her dreams, encourage her.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
And don't try to stifle her. And so many, so many husbands struggle with this. And so many women don't know how to navigate that. And what I always advise them to do is you have to decide who you are and you have to decide what you're available for. And you have to raise your standards. And when you do that, then you invite him to join you where you are, or you have a conversation about what you're willing or not willing to take. And that can be really challenging, but I, when I teach and live his truth above all else, right? So if we honor ourselves and we stayed our truth, that this is what I need, this is what I want. This is who I am. It might not always go over well, but it is the truth. And it is the most important thing.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Well, what about those women who are like, struggling with finding out the truth for themselves? Because I found like when I'm working with my clients, they don't even know who they are yet. So how do you help them uncover that piece?
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah. Well, we do a lot of work on figuring that out. A lot of work on getting in. And there's the best way that I have found to teach it is to treat it like a relationship, right? So we have this core of who we are and we can best see it in children. I see in my six year old daughter, right? She doesn't care what you think. She knows who she is. She knows what she wants. She knows what she's like. And she has no apologies about asking for what she wants. That's all of us are at our core. But what happens is, is as we grow up, the world tells us to tone it down and to fit in. And then we started adjusting and shaping and twisting ourselves into who we think we need to be, to be light, to be, to get the guy, to get the job, to be good mothers, to make friends with other moms on the playground.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
And we wake up in our thirties or twenties, thirties, and forties. And we have no idea who you are exactly. Because we've spent a lifetime getting rid of her. We spent a lifetime when she tries to tell us something, telling her she doesn't know any better. I mean, how often do we say, you know what? I'm tired. No, you're not keep going. I'm hungry. No, you're not. You're fat, too fat. I need this. Well, it doesn't matter what you need. Right? And so we spent a whole life damaging that connection with ourself and then wonder why we have no idea who we are. We also spend a lifetime in the name of efficiency. Start cutting away all the parts of who we really are. Right? So life gets busy. We all have a kid. We have another kid, we have a job, we have spouses.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And so hobbies go, we cut date night. We cut time with friends. We cut reading. We cut all the things that made us us. And then wonder why we wake up feeling like robots. Well, we have dismantled all the parts of who we are and we are literally just walking around like robots. So the way you heal that is to try to create a relationship with yourself. Re-Establish that. And what would you do to any relationship you would make space for it? You would be nice to that person. You would use encouraging words. You would ask them, how do you feel? What do you need? What do you want? And over time you start reestablishing that trust. And once you do that, then you can start hearing the calls from within. You can start hearing the nudges and the whispers of your intuition. You can start getting clear and you start.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Then you start honoring that. And that also reinforces the self-trust. And so now, instead of looking to the world to tell me, should I do this? Is it okay if I do this? Will I be liked? If I do this, will I be accepted? Instead of putting every decision and everything we want through the filter of the world, we just say, what do I want? And then I'm going to do that regardless. And that's really how we come to get to know ourselves better, but we have to take time to repair that we have to do the unbecoming. We have to unlearn all the crap about who we thought we should be. It's going to peel back those layers. And then who we are is still really there.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah. I imagine that you're getting started in this and talking to other mothers that you've gotten some pushback from some of the women who don't believe in what you're doing. What did you say to them?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Well, I've gotten some personal like direct attacks or anything, but as I was stepping into my Emily, the woman, I truly am to be I've had some people who said a little bit like, well, you think you're better than us now? Or, you know, who does she thinks she is? And it was upsetting at the time. But I just, now I just love that question because any woman that you're going to stay, who does she think she is? She knows exactly who she is, because anyone who is putting themselves out there following their own rules, living boldly and unapologetically is probably going to ruffle the people that are playing by the rules that are doing things the way they think they have to that are kind of denying their own fire and essence. And so I'd rather upset people by being myself. I want to show them that it's possible. I want to show them that you don't have to play small or be a good girl to succeed or be happy. And in fact, when you do, you're going to live your most authentic, successful, happy life in every way. So I been not a haters, but I have had a little bit of, of that, you know, rumblings and kind of falling away. And it's just part of it.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
It is, it is so part of it. And I'm wondering, like, what would you say to the mom who is struggling to, to find her identity, right? Like what makes, what makes you different from any other mom or what makes you different?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Any other mommy coach? Well, I think there's a lot of coaches and people out there, whether it's mommy, coaches or confidence coaches or success coaches or any, they really want to teach you a blueprint, a pro a proven process, a six step strategy. And I don't do that because I don't know what's best for you. And I make it really clear that my job is to empower you, to change your life. My job is to empower you, to hear your own voice and to start feeling into your own power. I want women everywhere to know that they don't need anyone to tell them what to do. They just need to trust themselves more. They need to show up as themselves. And so I am obsessed with giving women the support and the tools and the strategies and the new ways of thinking and the mindset shifts to help them really tap into their inner power.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And I want all women to know that no one knows better than you. How to live your life, what you need, what is best for you, how to do anything. No one knows that better. And I won't pretend to know what's best for you, but I will hold you to a higher standard than you hold yourself. I will hold you accountable to your potential because you've likely not stepped into it fully. And I'm going to push you to get over your BS and to live as a fearless woman, you were designed to me. So I'm going to trigger you and I'm going to push you. And I'm going to really encourage you to go further, faster by having radical self-love and self-trust, but you're the one who's going to force that path. And you know what you need. You just have to learn how to trust yourself in that process.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I also Willy want moms to know specifically that you will never be the mom. You want to be while denying the woman you are. And so in pursuit of being a good mother, we cannot sacrifice ourselves. We've been taught that we've been trained, that we think that's how we succeed as mothers. It is not. We will fail our children. If we continue to perpetuate this horrible cycle of I'm not going to teach my daughter, that when she grows up, that her value lives in disappearing, that she's only worthy. If she's doing or serving others, I'm going to teach her by showing her how to honor herself. And we have to stop that message that the fate that awaits a good wife and a good woman is that she ceases to exist. I will not perpetuate that cycle. And I want moms to understand that only their actions will break that, not their words so they can tell their daughters all day long and their sons, you know, do this, chase your dreams, be unstoppable. You can do anything, but if they're crying in the corner and their martyr mom, and they're not doing the same, they won't listen.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh my God. That was a, that was a lot. So tell me how do, how does a woman, how do you work with your moms?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
So I do some PR I used to do only private coaching. Now I do a little bit of private coaching, but primarily I have my bad-ass boss mom Academy, which is a group coaching program that opens every about every quarter. That really helps moms step out of uncertainty and into bad-ass. So they can show up like a boss of their life so they can own it so they can own who they are, what they want, go for it without apology.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So when is your next session opening up?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
We opened up in, I believe in February. I do have a program starting in December, which is going to be the claim, your best life now, which is going to be just a short four week program to really help you change everything without changing anything. We think, especially in 2020, right? Like our best life lives over there. Once this is over when the pandemic ends, when this happens, when the kids go back to school and we don't have to wait to start our bus lights, we can claim it right now, but we have to know how to do that. And so that's what I would be teaching over those four weeks. So that's going to be starting soon.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Okay. So how do they get in touch with you and how do they sign up for this? Is there like an application or like, do you accept anybody? Like what's, the deal
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Is a group program. Anybody can sign up for, it's going to be at a killer black Friday sale price for four weeks of life coaching and support. So it's going to be $147 for four weeks of live coaching, which is like insane. My private clients pay thousands, thousands dollars to work with me. So it's a great opportunity to get in. Especially if you've dabbled in this, or you have thought about hiring a coach, like you literally can't beat this price. So the best way is just to go to my website, which is Emily, karen.com. It'll be right on that front page. You can navigate to that program. Another place that I love for women to join my Facebook community, which is the rebel mom life, which is all about writing your own rules to create your most Epic life and come hang out with me, there message me, reach out to me. I'll be happy to you get you hooked up with the program, or if you have questions about private coaching, just reach out to me there.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah. And what, what is the one thing that you want to leave the listeners with? Like, if they're a mom or not like any, do you want to leave them with today?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I, I really want them to know that they get to write their own rules, which I know you, you can get behind, right? Like that. We will never create our best lives by playing by someone else's rules. We have to decide who we are, what we want, what lights us up, what unique gifts and skills we have to share with the world. And then it's our job to make it happen. And so I'm not available to wait around for my best life and you shouldn't be either. So decide what you want and write the rules, right? Your write your own ending. Write your happily ever after, right. This is your story and make it a good one. And it's up to you to make that happen, but you've got to have the courage to step a step up and do it and really do it.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Awesome. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Thank you so much for coming today. No problem. It's fun. Yeah. Always, always, always. All right guys. So you can go and listen to Emily. Everything that she talked about is going to be in the show notes. And I want to thank you guys for showing up today for brand disruptors.